Try to Love Again
by Azrulai
Summary: Book 6, GW/SB. That means Sirius is alive, obviously. Ginevra Weasley is in an abusive relationship with Draco Malfoy, and nobody knows about it. When the secret finally comes out, Sirius is there. LINK TO GERMAN TRANSLATION INSIDE. COMPLETE.
1. Part 1

**NOTE: Julileini has done me the honor of asking to translate this fic into German! Here is the link to her translation (take out the spaces): www. fanfiction .net/s/6940670/1/Try_to_Love_Again**

**A couple months ago I discovered the Hermione/Sirius pairing and fell in love. However, I don't feel like writing for Hermione and I like writing for Ginny, so this is what came out. Besides, it's not as overdone as Sirimione. And I think Ginny and Sirius have more in common than they think.**

**I love Draco-Ginny (see my completed fic, The Façade: Le Tuteur Clairvoyant), but in this story it simply isn't meant to be (kind of like in J.K. Rowling's books, eh?). Draco also has some mental issues in this one. What I'm talking about will become more clear after part one.**

**This is written in first person (Ginny's perspective) for the most part, but I foresee some time in the near future where hearing Sirius's thoughts might become useful. In those cases, I will switch to third person. Anything that isn't Ginny's P.O.V. will be in italics.**

**Background: Draco's 6th year (year of the whole vanishing-cabinet-killing-Dumbledore thing, so he has an excuse to be angry and messed up), Ginny's 5th**

**Disclaimer: I wish I was a brilliant British billionaire, but I'm actually not.**

**Oh, and I owe the title to Sheryl Crow's "The First Cut is the Deepest". I'm not good with titles, generally.**

**Jesus, that was really long. That won't be a normal occurrence. Here we go:**

Try to Love Again: Part One

I don't know how long it's been. I thought it would never end, and I wasn't sure I wanted it to. Hell, I don't even know how it started.

That's a lie. It started with a kiss in a deserted corridor near the dungeons. A searing, passionate, backed-up-against-the-wall romance-movie kiss. But that wasn't what it was like in the end. Well, the backed-up-against-the-wall part, maybe.

I feel like I still love him. Is that crazy? Yes, it is. But he loves me too, deep down inside. Well, not so deep down, since he's told me so and begged me to come back to him multiple times. But I just can't, not after all of this. I would say he lost his chance, but it wasn't his fault, really. He just needed to let it out on someone, and I was there. I was just unlucky.

At first it was exciting. We were Romeo and Juliet, forbidden lovers from opposite sides of the universe (or so it seemed to us). Fire and ice, Gryffindor and Slytherin. Deatheater and Weasley. He wasn't a Deatheater really, but still.

He was gentle then, gentler than I would have expected him to be (Oh gods, if someone had told me I'd even find out…). But that was earlier in the year, before things started to go wrong for him and, likewise, for us. He became frustrated and angry, and he couldn't tell me why, but he could release it when he was around me. It wasn't as if we ever really confided in each other, at least not about our outside lives. I think that was the difference between falling in love with Draco and falling in love with Sirius. With Draco, I pushed my problems into a box and lived in the moment, but it really just made everything worse. With Sirius, I faced them and healed.

In the beginning, the sex just got rougher. I missed the slow, quiet, escaping-the-world-for-as-long-as-we-can-make-this-last lovemaking, but there was a new attraction in this wild, heated, and often painful version. I learned to enjoy his nails digging into the soft flesh on my hipbones, his teeth drawing blood on the pale skin at my neck.

But soon enough it had become more pain than pleasure. Eventually, he would spend his time with me in a sort of dazed, trancelike rage, throwing things at the walls and at me. He couldn't be comforted, so I thought the best way to help him would be to stay there and absorb his anger myself.

I wonder if the Slytherins knew what was happening to be when he took me into his private room (father in high places) and locked and silenced the door. Yes, they knew I was there- they had accepted me long before then as Draco's "pet", plaything, whatever they thought I was to him. I heard the guys talking about me once, saying that they wouldn't have minded me in their bed either, even if I was a Weasley. I know very well that with my pale skin, slim figure, and hip-length crimson hair, I am much prettier than Pansy Parkinson and the other Slytherin sluts.

Anyway, if they had known it isn't like I could've expected them to do something about it. I just wonder if they'd even go that low (or perhaps if it's normal for them as junior Deatheaters).

He was always very kind to me afterwards. He would seem to come out of his other world, the one only he could see. His silver eyes would lose their glazed-over look. He would heal my injuries himself or help me cover them with magic, and he would softly kiss every bruised inch of me while tears of regret left trails down my body. I would tell him it was okay, I was fine, that I wished I could help him more. It was true.

Now I just wish I had realized that what I was doing wasn't helping.

I couldn't tell anyone- I was embarrassed. Besides, no one who would care was allowed to know about my relationship with Draco. I knew it was wrong, warped, but since I refused to honestly admit it to myself, how could I admit it to someone else?

The first time he raped me was what made me realize that I needed help. It wasn't as though I hadn't had sex with him willingly a million times before, but it was rape just the same. He had been in one of his moods for the past hour, and I could tell he wasn't out of it yet. I was in pain and I knew that doing it would be even more painful. I told him to stop, I fought, I screamed, but no one could hear. When it was over, I ran to Gryffindor Tower.

I tried to tell Harry- my closest friend, who I knew I could trust. I tried, but I couldn't. No, I don't mean I was too emotional or whatever, I'm not mental. I mean I was cursed. I couldn't say a word, couldn't write a word, couldn't play 20 questions. That was when I really panicked. I was scared. I thought I had had control over the situation, but I didn't. I didn't know how long ago he'd spelled me, and it killed me to know that if I'd tried to tell someone earlier it might've been possible. But as it was, I couldn't say anything to Harry about it.

But he noticed anyway. Oh, thank the gods, he noticed. When Draco started keeping me later and later in his room, when I'd have to make excuses and sneak back through the portrait hole after curfew, Harry waited for me. I know he saw that little red scar on my temple that I'd missed one day because I couldn't see it without looking sideways in the mirror. When I started coming back even later, Harry went to bed and then woke up in the middle of the night to wait for me so that he wouldn't fall asleep and miss me on my way up. He was the only one who noticed when I started developed an aversion to all human contact (presumably because he was the only one who touched me affectionately on a regular basis, when I curled up with him on the common room couches). He asked me multiple times what was going on, but every time my mouth made excuses for me before I'd even thought about it. It felt like being possessed, but by Draco Malfoy this time instead of Tom Riddle. Why did I have this weakness? How did I always come to trust these dark beings?

One day I found myself blackmailing Harry, threatening to tell about the girl I knew he liked (he came to me for girl advice, of course) should he let anyone know what was happening to me. After I said that to him, I practically choked on my words, tears welling in my eyes. I couldn't believe what had come out of my mouth.

"Gin," he said resignedly, "this isn't you. Don't cry, Gin; I know the real you would never do something like that." He was right. "And even if you did, what I'm about to do would still be worth it. I've got to tell someone. Something's happening to you and I don't know how to help you."

I was so happy.

I looked him in the eyes and told him not to go to my parents. He saw that it was the real me this time, saw my embarrassment, and agreed.

That same night, he owled Sirius.

**A/N: So, little feedback here. Love it? Hate it? Review and tell me why.**

**By the way, Harry and Ginny are just friends. Really. NO H/G in this one.**


	2. Part 2

**A/N: Thank you to Dristi for being my first reviewer for this fic! By the way, shame on you to all you guys who are putting this on your alerts and faves and not reviewing! Tell me what you think, I want to know! You know who you are! I almost wanted to wait for a while to accumulate more reviews, but I decided that would be mean to the people who did review. so voila!**

Try to Love Again: Part Two

Remember my last (lol):

_That same night, he owled Sirius._

Sirius's name was now cleared (long story, that one…) and he was on holiday in Italy to relax a bit before coming back to finish his auror training. Must've been nice for him to get a little note from his godson telling him to please come save his best friend.

But, of course, he came. I didn't know that he had arrived, because I was with Draco at the time. He used Harry's map to find me. When he finally made it to the Slytherin common room under the invisibility cloak, it took him a while to figure out Draco's locking charm. A simple "Alohomora" obviously wouldn't work on it. But still, he was a former marauder and Draco was a sixteen-year-old. It wasn't too much trouble.

When he finally barged in and ripped the cloak off, he disarmed Draco first thing. It wasn't necessary, though, as Draco's wand had been on the arm of a chair in the corner of the room. Sirius seemed unable to move for a moment as he saw me lying on the green silk sheets and crying silently, Draco on top of me. I had long since learned that fighting only made it worse.

I remember the white-hot fury that flashed through Sirius's eyes as he came back to himself and leapt across the room towards Draco, his wand simply forgotten as he tore him bodily from me. He threw him down off the bed, and Draco hit the wall, seemed to wake up from his trancelike state, and slumped against it, tears streaming from his eyes and blood from his lip where he had bit into it as his head hit the wall.

Sirius left him there for the moment, turning his attention to me. He wrapped my naked form in Draco's satin sheet, and I tried to hold back but couldn't stop myself from flinching at the contact. He noticed and understood, abruptly releasing me from his embrace.

"Can you walk?"

I nodded. He handed me the invisibility cloak and I followed unseen behind him as he dragged Draco with nails digging into his arm through the corridors to Dumbledore's office. Sirius whispered to me, telling me that I could go to Gryffindor tower or the hospital wing and he'd take care of it, but I said I'd stay with him. I didn't want anyone to see me, and I felt safe with Sirius.

Draco was a sobbing mess by the time he collapsed into a chair in Dumbledore's office. I turned away from him, shutting my eyes to the pain I was (albeit very indirectly) inflicting on him. I knew it was for the best, but that didn't make it easy.

They forced him to break the spell he had on me, and I told Dumbledore what I absolutely had to about everything. Draco was sent to St. Mungo's.

Dumbledore agreed not to press legal charges (after I begged him). When we were finished, I went to Grimmauld Place with Sirius.

I needed to get away, at least for a little while. I didn't want to face the questions and later pity from my friends or the dagger-glares from Slytherins for putting their prince into a psycho ward. I didn't want to face my family either, didn't want to have to tell my parents what had happened, listen to them worry over me, hear threats to Draco's life from my brothers. And what I really didn't want to hear was that this has happened before, that I should know better than to be so trusting.

So I went with Sirius. I was comfortable with him, he would leave me alone when I wanted to be (unlike some people I know), and he could use the company. I sent Harry a message by patronus before I left, telling him that I was fine and where I was going.

Sirius and I didn't say anything to each other as we walked through the castle grounds, stepping just through the gates before apparating to Grimmauld Place.

**I find that I prefer shorter chapters- on one hand, it gives you guys less to read, but at least I update faster, and it makes me feel good when I update :-)**** Now REVIEW people!**


	3. Part 3

Try to Love Again: Part Three

_Sirius and I didn't say anything to each other as we walked through the castle grounds, stepping just through the gates before apparating to Grimmauld Place._

It was a much-needed break, that's for sure. My professors sent my classwork by owl, and I spent around half of each day working on it. They had offered to let me make it up when I went back (well, except Snape- he offered to let me fail and take remedial DADA next year if I didn't keep up), but I knew I'd regret it if I left it for later. Besides, the point of this break was to get away from people, not schoolwork.

When I wasn't working, I'd spend the day reading in the library (often with Sirius's silent but comforting company) or drawing.

I averaged two or three colored pencil sketches an afternoon. Some of them I'd hang on the walls of my room and show Sirius, happy scenes with abstract forms dancing or a still life where I charmed the flower petals to fade from blue to purple.

Others I kept in piles concealed under the bed.

Those ones were darker generally, though some were still sunny but with macabre twists. My favorite was a sunrise where a faint pinkish-orange skull outline was visible within the yellow sphere in the center.

I didn't show those ones to anyone; I knew they'd be viewed as windows into my inner turmoil or some shit, which they probably were, but I didn't really care to hear some "expert" analyze them.

My family didn't know what to do with me. My parents came to visit a couple times, but I knew they were dreading my return to society as much as I was. They didn't know how they should act around me. I don't blame them. They wanted to help, they really did, but they couldn't. As it was, I said I was happy at Grimmauld Place and so that's where I stayed indefinitely.

After a week, the walls of my room were covered in bright, colorful drawings. It was the opposite of how I felt inside. I suppose I was trying to convince myself that everything was okay.

Day nine of my self-imposed exile, the careful outside image I presented for Sirius shattered. I was in the kitchen, bottling a vial of the potion I had brewed. The school barn owl was waiting impatiently for it to be tied to its leg. Just as I finished tying it on, I heard a voice coming from upstairs, near my room.

"Ginevra?" Sirius's voice sounded concerned and a bit like that "I'm disappointed in you" voice that all adults perfect. With a curse, I realized that I had left my work-in-progress on the bed, uncovered. I ran upstairs.

Sirius was sitting on the bed, holding my half-finished drawing of a girl with purple skin looking up into blue sky and white clouds as blood dripped like tears from the corners of her eyes. Surrounding him were the piles that had been under the bed, three piles with nearly a dozen drawings each on thick, rigid paper. Skulls, their empty eye sockets crying. Girls swimming naked in pools of blood. People with deep gashes forming symbols on their bare chests, still fresh and bleeding. Blood and tears and skulls, over and over and over again. Sirius and I stared at each other for a moment. Then I snapped.

"YOU WENT THROUGH MY STUFF! HOW COULD YOU! THAT'S MINE, DON'T TOUCH IT!" I ripped the drawing out of his hands, and he abruptly sprung off the bed, knocking over the pile of clean laundry he had come to give me in the first place. "GET OUT!" I yelled, crying now. He left without a word, a sad look on his face. I slumped onto the bed, sobbing. My careful, delicate façade was crumpling before my eyes. I hadn't meant to yell at Sirius- It wasn't his fault, and that made me cry even harder.

An hour later Sirius, in his animagus form, nudged the door open with his nose and trotted into the room. When I didn't say anything, he crawled up onto the bed to sit next to me. I curled up around him. I was able to touch him then without flinching, because it was instinct that made me flinch, not my mind, and even though my mind knew he was a man my instinct now told me he was a shaggy black dog.

"I'm sorry" I whispered, my face buried in his soft fur. I could small his scent- sandalwood and cinnamon, distinctly human even while he was in his dog form.

I found myself telling him the whole story. From beginning to end, from the first kiss to the night Harry decided he was going to tell. Of course I didn't go too far into the details, but Sirius still probably heard a lot more than he ever wanted to know about me and Draco. He responded sometimes by nuzzling his head against me or laying a paw over my hand, but I was glad that he couldn't respond verbally. No questions were asked, no awkward comforting words offered.

It felt so _good_ to tell someone. I knew Sirius wouldn't judge me, I knew he wouldn't worry over me like my family would.

When I was finished, it was late. I was exhausted and emotionally drained, and the room had passed over into darkness a while before, when the sun set. Before I even knew it, I was asleep.

**A/N: Awww, she's opening up to him! Cuteness! I just LOVE it when they fall asleep together (-:**

**Anyways, review please!**


	4. Part 4

**A/N: I planned on this being like a 3-part ficlet, but I find too many good ending and beginning points and I end up with short chapters. So it's actually going to be something in the vicinity of 7-9 total chapters. That means 3-5 after this one. So enjoy it while it lasts, and don't forget to tell me how I'm doing! I'm actually trying to think of ways to prolong it, so if anyone has interesting ideas I would love some suggestions. I'm not going to turn this into an action-explosion-Voldemort-defeating fic though.**

**This is a rather fluffy chapter. You know, sweet and cute and all that.**

Try to Love Again: Part Four

_When I was finished, it was late. I was exhausted and emotionally drained, and the room had passed over into darkness a while before, when the sun set. Before I even knew it, I was asleep._

When I woke up, Sirius wasn't in my room anymore. I followed the scent of my favorite apple-chicken sausages cooking to the kitchen.

Sirius was just cracking a couple eggs into a pan on the stovetop next to the one the sausages were in. His long, dark hair fell over his face in choppy sections, and he was wearing only a pair of black silk pajama pants slung low on his hips. His numbered tattoo from Azkaban stood out on his left shoulder blade against his pale skin. 25663. I couldn't help but notice the muscles of his forearms and the expanse of soft skin on his back begging to be touched, flawless but for a long white scar from his left hip up through the second six of the tattoo. He was sexy. And not even just for his age- actually sexy.

I was just about to make a noise and alert him to my presence when he turned towards me and smiled. He must have sensed me looking at him.

"I made your favorite. Can you get the milk out?"

_Sirius watched Ginevra as she reached up to grab the milk bottle. Her long crimson hair hung down her back in soft, untouched curls, some sticking up at odd angles in the back from being slept on. She had slept the night in her clothes and wasn't planning on going anywhere today, so she wore the first pair of pajama pants (pale yellow satin, lace edging dragging under her bare feet) and white v-neck t-shirt that she had picked up off the floor that morning. She wasn't wearing a bra. A little of the dark green eyeliner she had worn the day before remained at the corners of her eyelids, stubborn despite the tears it had been through that afternoon. She hadn't gotten a chance to reapply it or wash her face yet. Sirius thought she was beautiful. _Jesus_, he shook himself,_ I'm old enough to be her father. I'm a fucking pedophile!

Sirius and I talked about random things all through breakfast, both of us aware that we were studiously avoiding what I had said the night before. We were doing a good job of it, too.

After Sirius helped me learn the charm professor Flitwick was teaching my class back at school, he told me to go get dressed. I put on a pair of jeans, a bra, and a green scoop-neck t-shirt and met him downstairs, and we flooed to Diagon Alley together.

We shared a large ice cream at Florean Fortescue's and then headed straight for Quality Quidditch Supplies. When we left, I was carrying a brand new Nimbus 2002. I did protest, god knows, but Sirius wouldn't hear of it. Said he had more gold than he knew what to do with anyway.

We ducked into alleyways whenever we saw someone I knew, but I felt like myself again.

When we got back, I wanted to try out my new broom. We went out to the yard, racing in circles and laughing. When it got dark and we were exhausted, we headed back inside and ate French toast for dinner because that's what I was hungry for. It was an excellent day.

After dinner we sat together in the library, Sirius reading and me writing a 24-inch Defense Against the Dark Arts essay for Snape. When I had finished, I took a deep breath and walked toward the couch Sirius was on. I told myself I was going to get over this stupid phobia before they carted _me_ off to St. Mungo's. I sat down next to where Sirius was slumped against the cushions and laid my head on his chest.

He seemed surprised at first, but then he snaked a hand up to wind in the soft curls at the top of my head. I could hear his heart beating in my ear. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I shut my eyes, taking in that calming scent as the soft cotton fabric of his t-shirt tickled my cheek, his hand running through my hair in comforting caresses. We sat like that for a long moment. It felt like forever, but in a good way.

"Thank you, Sirius," I whispered.

"Oh, Ginevra" he replied softly, his breath hot in my ear and his hand running down my back.

**I just love this stuff, it's so sweet. I can almost feel Sirius's shirt and hear his heartbeat myself. Mmmmm… I would say that I'm jealous of Ginny, but she got raped. So no, not really jealous. Gotta keep our priorities. REVIEW!**


	5. Part 5

**A/N: Badhairdays- this one starts out pretty dark, I must warn you, but it will end on a... lighter note. (-:**

**Thanks to everyone else who reviewed. Keep it up!**

Try to Love Again: Part Five

"Sirius?" It was the following night. We were in the library together again- It was fast becoming a sort of tradition.

"Yes, Ginevra?" I love how he calls me Ginevra instead of Ginny. It makes me feel like an adult. "Ginny" is childish.

"Why do I get into these messes?" I said quietly, "Why do I trust people- things- when I know I shouldn't?"

"You're just a trusting person. Don't let this ruin that; it's a virtue when it comes down to it." He took a deep breath, and a pained look crossed his face. I moved down the couch and curled up next to him, putting my head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and continued speaking, as if he was looking into another world.

"I was once a trusting person too. Peter ruined that for me." My breath caught. I knew the story, of course, but I had never heard Sirius so much as mention it. I grabbed his hand.

"I trusted Peter with the lives of two of my closest friends, and he betrayed them and then sent me to Azkaban for it. I've been a free man for less than a year, Ginevra. All because of him. Now, I've lost that trust. It was too deep a betrayal for me. I try, but I just can't open up to many people. Don't let that happen to you." I got the unmistakable feeling that he had just opened up to me, and I knew personally how hard that could be.

"It wasn't your fault, Sirius."

"Well, this isn't your fault as much as that wasn't mine, if that makes any sense." It made sense.

_Ginevra climbed into Sirius's lap, winding her arms around his neck and laying her head on his chest. Her breasts pressed against him through her thin camisole. _Oh no_, he thought. _You've got to be kidding me. Not now, I'm such a creep_… Ginevra felt something below her. She wasn't naïve. She knew what that was…_

"Ginevra, I'm sorr—" I pressed a finger to his lips to stop the flow of words. I knew this was wrong, just like he did, but it really did feel so right. The thing with clichés is that they're often so very _true_.

I could practically hear Sirius's thoughts in the second I looked into his dark, clouded eyes. He was worried that he had just ruined my trust for him, ruined the relationship we had worked so hard to build over the past few weeks. I smiled the slightest bit before moving my fingers from his mouth to wind in his hair, pressing my lips to his.

He kissed back at first, softly and slowly, his hand pressed against the small of my back. Then he broke away, looking as if it took all of his willpower to do so (_it did_), but kept his forehead pressed to mine, his lips so close that we were breathing the same air as he spoke into my mouth.

"Ginevra, you're so young… I'm old enough to be your father, doesn't that bother you?"

"But you aren't my father. Are you telling me that you don't feel anything unfatherly for me?"

"Oh Ginevra, it's just so… I'm more than twice your age, Jesus, I'm twenty years older than you… what will people think? I know that in the magical world it isn't as important as it is for muggles, my own parents were thirteen years apart, but it's just wrong…"

"I suppose I tend to fall in love with the wrong people." When I realized the implication of what had just come out of my mouth, it was too late to take it back. I thought for a moment. I couldn't honestly say it wasn't true, at least not for sure. Sirius stared at me for a moment, and I could see the internal battle playing out in his mind as he searched my face for an answer. Finally, he pulled me towards him with a hand buried in the waves at the back of my head, our lips meeting this time with passion and hunger, devouring each other's mouths. Merlin, he was a good kisser.

He could feel it too, I know it- it felt like home, like comfort, like being alive and safe the way that only being in his arms had made me feel for weeks.

I wasn't forgetting about his "problem" though. I snaked a hand between our bodies down towards the zip on his jeans. He groaned against my lips, but then grabbed my wrist and broke the kiss.

"Trust me, if anyone knows about your lack of innocence it's me. But still, we haven't even been on a real date. You can keep your hands out of my pants for now." He grinned at me. I giggled.

"Okay. But you know that means you'd better take me out on a "real" date tomorrow, right?"

"My pleasure, Ginevra. Now that it's almost 1:00 a.m., I'm going to bed, and may I recommend you do the same?"

"Alright."

_I am a bit of a coquette_, I thought to myself, as I gave him a hard, burning kiss and pranced off to bed- ensuring that he'd be thinking of me while he fixed that problem of his.

**A/N: Oh lookie, it's all coming together now. If you're really disgusted by this pairing, last chapter would've been a good time to stop reading. Tell me what you think, minions!**


	6. Part 6

**A/N: None of you bothered to figure it out, but Sirius's Azkaban tattoo (from part four) spells "alone". Just in case you cared. Thank you once again to JKR, as the idea of using funny little number codes is definitely hers. **

Try to Love Again: Part Six

Sirius decided to take me to a restaurant he liked in muggle London the next night. That way, we could be pretty sure not to see anyone we knew.

"This is just between us until after you graduate, alright?" Sirius asked me as he held out a chair for me to sit down at the candlelit table.

"Oh, I know. My mum and brothers would murder you. You drive my mum crazy as it is, come to think of it," I replied, smiling. He whipped out a red rose from behind his back and held it out towards me. I kicked him playfully in the shin.

"Someone could've _seen_ you conjure that!" I whispered.

"I like to live on the edge," he answered, grinning.

"Yeah, yeah. Who knew Sirius Black was such a romantic?" I mused, fiddling with a velvety rose petal.

"Mental note: she thinks roses are romantic" he joked.

"I said _a romantic_, not _romantic_. But yes, I like roses. What girl doesn't?"

"They clash horribly with your hair, now that I see it," I slapped his hand. He grinned again, grabbing my hand so that it stayed beneath his on the white tablecloth.

"I'll have to get you a white lily next time. That would go beautifully," He paused for a moment. "In fact, I think I might have one right… here," he withdrew the hand that wasn't on top of mine from behind his back again, this time twirling the longer stem of a large white lily in full bloom.

"Sirius! The last thing we need is some muggle seeing this and us ending up in a statute of secrecy hearing!"

"Okay, okay" he said as I took the lily, "I'll save the orchids and tulips for next time."

He smiled. That was when Remus and Tonks walked in.

I saw them first, and my eyes connected briefly with Remus's. Then I pulled my hand back from Sirius's and dropped the flowers to the floor, kicking them under my chair. Of course, it was too late. Sirius turned to the direction I was looking in, and his face paled.

There was obviously no point in pretending not to have seen us, so Remus ended his quick exchange with the woman at the front desk and he and Tonks walked across the room toward our table. Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius, then grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the chair and into the alcove near the restrooms. Tonks settled herself in Sirius's empty seat. I bit my lip.

"Well isn't this a coincidence."

"Yes, really. We didn't think..." I trailed off, searching for something to say."So… you're with Remus! That's great!"

Tonks smiled wryly. "Yes, it is great. But you aren't skiving out of this that quickly. _You_ are with Sirius."

I decided it was worth an attempt, at least. "We're just going out to dinner; needed to get out of the house and all, you know…"

"Hehe, nice try. I saw that hand on the table, and those." She gestured pointedly to where the flowers were hiding underneath my chair.

"Okay then. I didn't really think that would work, anyway" I blushed and put my face in my hands, rubbing my eyes. "Can't we just oblivate you guys and be done with it?" I asked more to myself then to Tonks.

"Don't even think about it. We're in a muggle restaurant, and I'm a trained auror. I can block you faster than… well, than Sirius goes through girls. Ginny, he isn't the type for long-term relationships. He's the type for one night stands, good sex, (I raised an eyebrow here and Tonks rolled her eyes and clarified for me:"No, I've never slept with him- Jesus!") and then it's over before it begins. And he's 21 years older than you, for Merlin's sake!"

"I don't care, and neither does he."

"Of course he doesn't, you're young and desirable!"

"So is he. He isn't _that_ old, Tonks. And this is different. I know he won't hurt me; you know it too. He wouldn't risk this if he didn't care about me."

Tonks sighed. "I hope you're right, I really do… after all you've been through… well, you two have my blessing. Good luck convincing everyone else."

"You aren't going to say anything about this, are you?" I asked anxiously.

"No, no. You know I wouldn't."

_Meanwhile _

_Remus stared into Sirius's eyes, using his body to block his escape. The payphone poked annoyingly into Sirius's back._

"_What the fuck do you think you're doing, Padfoot? Ginny isn't another conquest, she doesn't know what she's getting herself into… She's young enough to be your daughter, and I can guarantee that she isn't in this for a night in Sirius Black's bed! Oh Merlin, she's living in your house… Please don't tell me you're sleeping with her!"_

_Sirius seemed to regain the ability to speak. "No, I'm not, and I don't plan to until I'm sure she's ready (Remus blanched at the implication that he was planning to eventually). Moony- I know she isn't another conquest. I __care__ this time."_

"_You've said that before, but you always hurt them. It's what you __do__." _

"_Look me in the eye, Moony. This is probably betraying her trust and I don't want to do it, but I __turned her down__ the other night. I've __never__ turned down an attractive woman before. I—"_

"_That's just it, Padfoot- she isn't a woman. She's a girl, not even sixteen yet."_

"_She is a woman, Remus. And I've tried to convince you, but when it comes down to it it really isn't your place to tell either one of us what to do."_

"_Well, it is Molly's place, at least for one of you, and she's going to have your head when she finds out…" Sirius looked pleadingly at the closest friend he had left, and Remus saw something in his eyes that told him that maybe he wasn't fooling around; maybe this was different. He took a deep breath and let it out. "…but she won't find out from me," he finished, the corners of his lips perking up despite himself. Sirius smiled and gave him a hug, and they walked back towards the table._

After having realized how awkward it would be to resume our separate dates (sitting three tables away from each other in the same restaurant) the four of us got a bigger table and had a lovely dinner together, laughing and talking. I felt a little odd next to Remus, who had been my DADA teacher for a year and undoubtedly still saw me as nothing but a child, but Tonks really made an effort to treat me as an equal. And, of course, Sirius's arm encircling my waist possessively under the table for most of the evening offered constant comfort.

"Ginevra?" we had just gotten back home and were about to part on the landing in front of my room.

"Yes, Sirius?"

"I'm sorry that our date tonight got kind of messed up."

I wasn't going to deny it. It had been fun to catch up with Remus and Tonks, and not nearly as awkward as I would have expected, but it hadn't been what either of us had been planning on.

"It wasn't your fault." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him softly. "You'll just have to make it up to me by taking me on another one." I smiled against his lips.

"I'll plan something special and guaranteed nowhere near any of our acquaintances," he replied, grinning back at me. He hugged me to him and kissed each of my eyelids.

"Sweet dreams, Ginevra."

"Goodnight."

**A/N: Wow, there were two whole characters (three if you count the woman at the desk, plus "extras" in the restaurant!) besides Sirius and Ginny in this chapter! How exciting! See, they aren't crazy recluses… kind of.**


	7. Part 7

**No preface needed, enjoy Part Seven.**

Try to Love Again: Part Seven

Sirius never got to take me on that second date the next day, because my mum arrived to take me back to Hogwarts. There were a few weeks until final exams, and I really did have to go back… as mum pointed out, the longer I waited the harder it would be.

But that didn't make it easy. I didn't even get to say a real goodbye to Sirius- I mean, I got to say goodbye, but it was in front of mum so I couldn't say the kind of goodbye I really wanted to. I knew I'd see him in only a month, as we were all staying at Grimmauld Place with him for the summer holidays, but I knew that we'd have little time to be together then, and I felt like I hadn't savored the time we had had as much as I should have.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear as he gave me a farewell hug, promising to write and saying that I might see him sooner than I expected. I grinned in return, but had to break the hug before my mum got suspicious.

It was, of course, lunchtime when I arrived. I told my mom I had eaten a big breakfast with Sirius, that I wasn't hungry, but she insisted that I go in and "see my friends." So I kissed her goodbye and walked as inconspicuously as possible into the Great Hall.

So much for inconspicuous. _Everyone_ in the hall turned toward me, and there was that same awkward silence that Harry tends to experience once and a while. They knew.

As I walked towards the Gryffindor table, Neville sprang up and ran to meet me. He whispered in my ear nervously.

"I'm sorry Ginny! It's all my fault, I accidentally told Parvati and now everyone knows!" he looked about to cry. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"It's alright Neville," I reassured him, "they'd find out sometime anyway. Now at least I won't have to lie to people about where I was." I walked back to the table with Neville and took a seat between him and Harry.

"Hi Gin," Harry whispered to me, "want something to eat?"

"I'm not really hungry." 

"Okay." he understood. He put an arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head protectively, and I relaxed a bit.

Later that night, when I was sitting on the common room couch reading silently with Harry just like I had with Sirius two nights before, I wondered if he'd accept me and Sirius. Sirius was his godfather, after all. What if he hated me when he found out? What if he was absolutely disgusted?

I got through the next two days, and by then the shock of it all was starting to wear off. Draco was back, but as he was in Slytherin and a year older than me, it was relatively easy to avoid him. That is, until the third day.

It was completely unexpected. I was on my way to send a letter to Sirius, telling him that I was alright and how much I missed him. I found Draco curled into a ball in the corner of the owlery, his head in his hands. 

When I saw that telltale platinum hair, I turned to leave the room. Unfortunately, he had heard me come up the stairs and he looked up. I could see that he had been crying.

"Ginny! Please, Ginny, talk to me… don't leave me!"

I just looked at him in shock, my eyes opened wide.

"Please, Gin, please… all my friends have left me, all I have is you…"

"You do not have me, Draco Malfoy. You once did, maybe, but you don't now," I said sadly.

He broke into fresh sobs, practically kneeling at my feet. He looked so pathetic; I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "Draco," I whispered, "what we had is long gone. I just can't trust you, I can't…"

He got up, now standing at least six inches taller than me at his full height. He reached out and grabbed my arm.

I could barely hear his pleading voice, his begging for me to forgive him, to come back to him, to love him again. All I could hear were the flashbacks in my head, memories of him grabbing my arm like he was now; hitting me with his other hand, throwing me against the wall… my instincts quickly took over. I twisted sharply out of his grip (it was easy, for he wasn't actually holding me as tightly as I thought he was) and ran, sobbing, from the room.

When I had calmed down enough to think rationally, I realized that going to the common room in this state would only lead to questions and make the whole situation worse. I headed over to the hallway of the room of requirement, pacing up and down and thinking of a place where I could be alone and at peace. When the door appeared and I walked in, I was surprised to see a perfect replica of the library at Grimmauld Place.

I collapsed on a couch that looked and felt just like the one upon which Sirius and I had shared our first kisses, willing myself not to cry as I curled up into a ball. It felt like hours that I sat there, before I heard a tapping on the window and looked up to see that it had gotten dark outside and that it was raining. I opened the window to let in Sirius's owl, Chouette, looking disgruntled with a letter tied to her leg.

"It must have taken you a while to find me, Chou. I'm sorry. But I'm sure you'll feel right at home resting here for a while." I conjured up a small hand towel and brushed the owl's feathers dry as much as she would let me. Then I let her keep to herself for a minute while I opened Sirius's letter.

_My Lovely Ginevra-_

_I hope this letter finds you okay. I've told Chou not to deliver it if you're with Harry, as he'll recognize her, and I sent it long after the morning post, so hopefully if there are any unwanted questions you can say it's from your mum. _

_I miss you so much, Ginevra, I feel like I got cheated out of the time we could have spent together. Tell me when your next Hogsmeade weekend is, and I'll meet you there. We obviously can't walk around the village together, but I'll bring food and we can spend the day in the shrieking shack. It isn't such a terrible place once you've dusted it off a bit._

_I do hope that you aren't having too much trouble, being back at school after so long. Has Malfoy dared to approach you? If he has, I swear I'll… oh, right- you didn't want death threats._

_Always,_

_Sirius_

_P.S. Enclosed please find something to keep you thinking of me while I'm not there. I hope you like it._

I smiled at Sirius's words and then shook out the envelope into my hand. Out fell an incredibly fine gold chain. The pendant that dangled from it was a lily, just barely blossoming, so that it hung upside down like a bluebell. A delicate golden leaf dangled from the same loop as the lily.

I fingered the thin leaf and then clasped the delicate chain around my neck. I admired it briefly in the weathered old mirror (well, replica of it) above the mantle before tucking it into my shirt. The last thing I needed was people wondering where I had gotten it.

I felt much better as I discarded the letter I was planning to send to Sirius and took out a quill and parchment to start a new one.

**A/N: The next part will begin with several short letters between Ginny and Sirius, and their date in Hogsmeade will either be at the end of that one or the start of the next, depending on how many good ideas I have for their correspondence by owl. **

**So what did you all think of this one, hmm?**


	8. Part 8

**A/N: Okay, so this one is all letters. The next one will be in Hogsmeade, and our forbidden lovers will be together once again. So get excited! Oh, and in case you want to know (if you didn't already), "Chouette" means female owl in French. Very original, right? Hey, at least it's not "pig."**

**Now on to Part Eight.**

_I felt much better as I discarded the letter I was planning to send to Sirius and took out a quill and parchment to start a new one._

Try to Love Again: Part Eight- Letters

Sirius,

The necklace is wonderful! I've never owned such a beautiful piece of jewelry before.

I miss you too, so much. I'll be in Hogsmeade the Saturday after this one. I'll meet you in the shrieking shack. I can't wait be with you again.

It's been tough here- like Dumbledore would say, my ordeal is a secret, so, naturally, the whole school knows (A/N: Direct quote, © JKR Sorcerer's Stone). I can take it, though.

Harry has a girlfriend, I don't know if he told you. Her name is Annabel Lee. She's very nice.

I was wondering… can I tell Harry? He's my closest friend, and you're his godfather, and I just think it isn't right to keep it from him. I'm sure he'll accept us. You know all he wants is for you to be happy.

I Love You. 

Ginevra.

Ginevra, my love, I love you too.

I can't wait to see you in Hogsmeade. The house is so empty without you. I'm glad you like the necklace. Yes, we can tell Harry. Do you want to wait until we can tell him together, or tell him yourself?

I've put all your drawings up in the library, where I still spend my evenings (though without you there I find that I think about you more than I actually study for my auror examinations like I should be). They remind me of you. Even the dark ones. Everyone has a dark side within them, even you, and that's alright. I know I do. The people who try to hide it are fake.

Malfoy's spoken to you. Don't try anything, I know he has- because if he hadn't then you would have mentioned it in your last letter, but since he has and you didn't want to tell me, you thought that not putting it in at all was a good way to avoid lying. Tell me, Ginevra. I want to know.

Just a week until I get to see you again.

Love Always, Sirius.

Sirius,

I apologize for distracting you from your work.

Don't let anyone see those drawings… I just don't think I'm ready to flaunt my dark side, per se.

Harry saw that last letter from afar and recognized your handwriting, so I figured that if I was going to tell him anyway it might as well be then so I wouldn't have to make up some story about why you were writing to me.

He was… a bit shocked at first, to say the least. He thought I was joking, actually. Eventually he said something along the lines of "now that I think of it, you two do have a lot in common", and told me that he's fine with it as long as he can feign ignorance when my mum finds out.

You're right, Draco did talk to me- begged me to take him back, actually. I know you feel threatened, but you don't have to worry about it. There's no way I'm getting back together with him.

I can't wait for the summer, when we'll get to be together for two whole months.

I can't wait for Saturday either. Miss you.

Love, Ginevra

Ginevra,

Me, feel threatened? By Malfoy? You've got to be kidding. And you still haven't told me all of that story. But I won't press it. Well, not now, anyway.

Anyway, it's great that Harry's okay with this. 

We really are going to have to be careful this summer, you know- Remus, being _my_ best friend, is looking out for _your_ best interests and isn't all too thrilled about our relationship. Although he won't go outright and tell on us, he might be looking for a reason to give it away. 

I won't let anyone see the drawings if you don't want me to. 

Three more days, my dear.

I love you,

Sirius

Sirius,

Yes, yes, I know; alpha-male, you are, not threatened by _anyone_, especially not "slimy Slytherin gits". And why would Remus be worried about me? You'll be protecting me, right? 

Just kidding. Tonks told me all about your man-whoring past. But that's the past, right?

I must go to lunch now, as Ron, Harry and Hermione have been wondering where I go all the time. I'm in the room of requirements, which I'm sure you've known about since your first year, and did I tell you that every time I go in just to be alone for a while or to write to you it changes into a perfect replica of the library at Grimmauld place?

Two days.

Ginevra

Ginevra,

That library, with you, is probably where I'd want to be most now as well.

I was NOT a man-whore. That's a very unladylike thing to say. But yes, it is in the past. Far in the past. Fifteen years in the past, to be exact. Remus is paranoid. But of course, he only has your best interests at heart. 

Tomorrow, Ginevra.

Sirius

**A/N: About "Annabel Lee"- I'm not implying anything about the person in my story; I just thought it would be funny to use the name. Credit to Edgar Allen Poe. If you haven't read the poem, do. Please review and tell me what you think!**


	9. Part 9

**A/N: Bit smutty, this one. Okay, more than a bit. Enjoy!**

Try to Love Again: Part Nine

I waved farewell to everyone leaving the castle, as I "had too much studying and catching up to do" to go to Hogsmeade with them. Of course, I wasn't behind in the slightest. In fact, I had learned a few new jinxes from Sirius that the class was scheduled to do next week.

Using the old levitating-a-twig trick, I froze the whomping willow and snuck in through the hole at its base. I practically ran through the long passageway. I couldn't wait.

When I finally arrived, I found that Sirius had set up a path of single lilies, their wide white petals pointed towards me and their long stems forming a path towards one of the upstairs bedrooms. I picked up each one as I walked, and I had a beautiful bouquet by the time I reached the door. See, he _is_ a romantic.

When I walked in, I could hardly believe my eyes. This room was not dusty and full of desiccated furniture like the rest of the house. In fact, there was no furniture in it at all.

Sirius got up from the floor and walked toward me, taking my hand.

"I got up early to do the spellwork, and I've been practicing on the downstairs bathroom at home for days. What do you think?"

I was speechless. The door was the only recognizable thing in the room. The walls were completely covered in dark green vines and lush, rainforest foliage. The floor was grass, the kind of soft, perfect grass that barely ever exists in nature. The ceiling was like the great hall, charmed to look like the sky, but this sky was very different from the eye-blindingly bright sun that I knew was outside. It was a perpetual sunset, pink and purple with orange-gold clouds floating slowly past. Over the grass in the middle of the room, Sirius had laid out a picnic-style lunch on a neat orange blanket with a modernist floral print and a yellow border.

"Oh, Sirius, it's gorgeous! I can't believe you would do this for me!" I fell into his arms, wrapping mine tightly around him.

"I was planning to take you to Paris, actually, when I said I'd take you on a date where no one would find us… but I decided we had best stay here. You did hear about the Deatheater attack in France last week, didn't you?"

"Yes" I mumbled into his chest, "but this is amazing. More than I ever could have asked for."

"I'm glad you like it. Sit down. I got my favorite foods from all around the world. Did you know that James, Remus and I spent four months just traveling right after Hogwarts? We would've stayed longer, but the threat of Voldemort brought us back home to fight."

The next hour or two was spent with Sirius feeding me various dishes ("Hummus. It's a chickpea paste from the Mediterranean, with olive oil and paprika. You dip this bread in it"… "Pecorino ai Tartufo. It's a truffled sheep's milk cheese from Italy"), ending with something closer to home ("my favorite, I couldn't resist"): strawberries and clotted cream. 

He bent toward me and licked the cream from the corners of my mouth. I brought my hands up to the back of his head, and it (unsurprisingly) turned into a long, slow kiss. 

I settled myself comfortably in his lap and laid back against his chest like I had many times before.

I figured it was best to tell him now rather than waiting for him to bug me. "Draco grabbed my arm. He didn't mean any harm- really, he didn't- but all the memories just came flooding back." Sirius tightened his arms around me.

"If he ever tries to hurt you again…"

"He won't, Sirius. Relax." I turned to face him, straddling his legs, and kissed him again- more forcefully this time. He ran his hand down my side, sending shivers down my spine. I started unbuttoning his shirt. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to pull away. I whispered into his mouth- "nothing I haven't seen before." He smiled against my lips and then moved his to my neck, sucking and leaving a mark.

I knew he was going to be the chivalrous one, so I leaned back and pulled off my own t-shirt. He finally took my lead and reached behind my back to deftly unfasten my pale yellow lace bra. I ran my hands up his back, the tips of my fingers grazing over the raised scar there. "How did you get this?" I whispered.

"Oh, that ugly thing- The night Voldemort came to recruit me. I was high on his list, you know, right behind James- both of us competent purebloods from powerful families. I only just escaped. No magic's ever been able to heal that."

"It's not ugly, it's sexy. A battle scar." I giggled. I moved to his back, trailing down the scar with my lips. He shivered, craning his neck towards me. I raised my head and met his lips from behind him, my bare breasts pressing into his back. Reaching around his body, I slowly unzipped his jeans. He groaned, and didn't stop me this time. Instead, he reached for his wand and vanished the remains of our lunch, leaving the soft cotton blanket clean and crumb-free. I twisted around and pushed him down on top of it, sliding his jeans and boxers down his hips as he raised them up to help me.

I snaked my hand around his erection, running a finger up and down.

"Ginevra…" I silenced him as my mouth closed around it.

It was only minutes later that he gasped my name as his body shook beneath mine. I kissed him passionately, letting him taste himself on my lips. Then I raised myself off him to lay next to him, nuzzling my head into his neck. He rolled onto his side, his fingers hooking on the waistband of my knickers (yellow lace to match the bra, but not a thong- I think those are ridiculous). My jeans had been lost somewhere in the process.

Suddenly, I involuntarily jerked away from his touch. I couldn't stand it. My heart was racing, but not in a good way.

He withdrew his hand, looking down at me.

"I'm sorry, is it something I—"

I relaxed again beneath him. "No, it's me. It's just… I can't… I don't know. It just freaks me out, makes me think of…" I shut my eyes tightly against the memories. Sirius rolled over to lay beside me on the blanket once more, gathering me into his arms.

"I only wanted to return the favor, I wasn't going to…"

"I know, I know. And I want to, really I do. I just… can't." My breathing slowed a bit, and I curled in toward Sirius, tears welling in my eyes.

"I really do want to do this with you" I whispered.

"I'll do everything I can to make it easier," he responded, "but I think for now we'd better just give it a rest. You need to be back at the castle soon anyway."

**A/N: I wanted to hurry up and get this out, because I'm away for the weekend and you probably won't get anymore updates until Tuesday or Wednesday. However, the more reviews I get, the sooner I'll get it done (-:**


	10. Part 10

**A/N: There hasn't been a single review for Part Nine, but since I am such a fabulous person, I decided to post this anyway. However, if I feel like people aren't reading this I WILL abandon it! REVIEW!**

Try to Love Again: Part Ten

(The following isn't an excerpt from last time, it's a third-person fragment)

_Sirius clasped Ginevra's bra for her and then circled an arm around her bare abdomen, dropping his head to rest on her shoulder. She leaned against him, shutting her eyes. _

"_It's alright, Ginevra. Everything's going to be okay," he said_

'_That whole thing with Malfoy affected her a lot more than she'd like to admit,'_ _he thought. _

_Sirius wished there was something he could do to make it all disappear, make everything better for her. He had half a mind to oblivate her and make her forget it had happened, but the common sense part of his brain told him that would be a bad idea (aside from the obvious fact that everyone knew about it, he had heard of some problems with people who tried to oblivate a bad memory away). He had never felt this __possessive_ _of a woman before. Women had always been disposable, toys, more-where-that-came-from kind of things… but he felt that nobody could ever replace Ginevra. He supposed that must be what loving someone means._

_She broke the moment, saying that she needed to get back to the castle. He dropped his arm and she pulled her shirt on before giving him one last (prolonged) kiss, and then he watched her from the landing as she walked down the stairs._

_He gathered up the orange blanket and raised his wand, preparing to utter "finite incantatum" and make the rainforest room disappear, but then thought better of it. No one ever came in anyway- why not leave it?_

I walked agonizingly slowly through the passageway and back to the castle. All I wanted was to turn around, run back, stay with Sirius for one more moment, one more hour, one more day. But I knew that was ridiculous. I had exams to finish, school to live through.

I collapsed on an armchair in front of the fire after stumbling through the portrait hole. The others weren't back yet, and the younger students were in their dormitories. I stared vacantly at the fire, as if I could see through it into Sirius's eyes. I slept.

I woke up to a warm hand on my shoulder, a whisper.

"Gin?" my eyes fluttered open to meet Harry's emerald green ones.

"I came down to wait for you guys and fell asleep…" I mumbled sleepily, "I got tired of studying…"

"Relax, Gin. I covered for you, and told the others that I'd make sure you got to bed. You can't fool me, though. Sirius said he was too busy to come see me in Hogsmeade."

I smiled faintly. "I'm sure he's working hard- his auror examinations are next week."

"Bullshit, he's Sirius Black. He only works hard if the outcome involves Snape charmed to run around in his underwear singing Celestina Warbeck songs on Valentine's Day." I raised an eyebrow. Harry smirked.

"His story to tell, not mine. Anyway, it's past eleven. We both need to get some sleep." We parted, turning to our separate dormitories. I brushed my teeth and curled up in bed, thinking of Sirius and (as much as I tried not to) of Draco.

The next morning, I snuck off to the passageway again and was happy to see that Sirius had left the enchantments on the room. I put my head down in the grass and stayed there for a long time, staring at the sunrise.

**A/N: Short, but it's all you deserve right now. I'm not posting the next chapter until I have six reviews on this one (six is my favorite number :-). So stop thinking that other people will review and you don't have to. REVIEW.**


	11. Part 11

**Long A/N Today: **

**I still haven't gotten my six reviews, but I don't have the heart to keep my few readers waiting. So here it is, Part Eleven.**

**It's the end of Ginny's fifth year, so Dumbledore should die right about now. However, that would really overcomplicate things. So let's just pretend that Draco was too dumb to fix the vanishing cabinet, and none of that shit ever happens. If you like Draco, he went into hiding to avoid Voldemort's wrath for not completing the task, and lived happily ever after in Switzerland or something. If you don't like Draco, he was smite-d by Voldemort along with everyone in his family. End of story. **

**This is the last normal chapter. Sorry to spring it on you. It'll be longish though (by my standards, that is) and there's going to be an epilogue because I'm lazy and I think epilogues are fabulous.**

**Warning: Major smut ahead. However, I did try to make it at least sort of interesting.**

Try to Love Again: Part Eleven

I shut the hangings of my four-poster bed and silenced it against the giggles of my fellow fifth year girls. For all my favorite foods in my stomach and the soft, thick covers pulled up to my chin, I couldn't drift off to sleep. I was so excited. I had made it through the rest of school, I was pretty sure I hadn't failed any of my exams, and I was going to see Sirius tomorrow.

I was up, showered, and packed before anyone else. Even Ron noticed that I was in higher spirits than I had been in a while. According to him, I was looking "dreamily" out of the windows with a smile on my face for most of the ride on the Hogwarts Express and in the car. When we finally arrived at Grimmauld Place, I ran into Sirius's arms. Nobody thought too oddly of it- it was reasonable that I had bonded with him after living in his home for weeks after my "ordeal". Nobody but me heard the whisper in my ear- "I've missed you, my Ginevra."

A few chaste kisses were all we got to share for the first few weeks of the summer, but it was wonderful just to be in Sirius's company. We were rarely, if ever, left alone together, but I had fun playing quidditch with him and the boys in the garden, or drinking lemonade outside even if we did have company. Harry joined us a few weeks in (as did Hermione), but it wasn't as awkward as one might've expected. He smiled devilishly at us whenever he saw me kiss Sirius on the cheek when we said goodnight, or when Sirius put a ("brotherly") arm around me, but he remained silent. When Remus was around, we tried to stay away from each other entirely. No use provoking him.

We were caught snogging once, but luckily it was only Tonks. It had been a rare moment when everyone else was either out of the house or safely occupied outdoors, and when I met Sirius in the kitchen in my quest for more lemonade we got a little carried away. Tonks chose that moment to arrive from the ministry for some reason or another, and we didn't hear her until she stood in the doorway and cleared her throat. She gave us quite a fright, actually, before we saw that it was only her. We knew we had to be a bit more careful after that (because god knows next time it could end up being my mum, and then Sirius would've been dead and myself incarcerated before you can say mimbulus mimbletonia).

Finally, we couldn't wait any longer to have real, uninterrupted time together.

We met late at night, in his bedroom when everyone was asleep. We took care to lock and silence the door. It was still a risk, but I longed to touch him, speak to him unguardedly, and I knew he felt the same.

I drew him onto the bed with me, kissing him passionately and wasting no time in tearing off my dark green satin nightgown, beneath which I hadn't bothered with undergarments. Sirius himself was wearing only a pair of long pajama pants- the same ones he'd worn the morning after we fell asleep together in my room. He stopped me, pressing a finger to my lips, and laid me gently on my back on the bed, completely naked. He told me to stop him if he did anything that made me uncomfortable. I shut my eyes.

_Sirius proceeded achingly slowly, worried to do anything that Ginevra didn't want. He began at the top, placing a kiss on each of her eyelids, her lashes tickling his lips. He tangled his hand in her crimson hair, kissing the tip of her nose and then lightly sucking on the skin behind her left ear. He moved downwards, carefully running his lips over every inch of her pale neck and then taking one hard nipple into his mouth, the other breast cradled in his hand. She moaned softly, encouraging him. He spent equal time on each breast, teasing gently with his fingers and nibbling and biting with his teeth and lips. He eventually continued, stopping to kiss each freckle and birthmark on his way down to her abdomen (he particularly liked one right below her left breast). He dipped his tongue into her bellybutton, making her shiver. As he reached the patch of red curls between her legs, however, he paused and then raised himself up to kiss her lips softly. He knew how he was going to help her get past her instinctual fears- he had to make her beg._

_It was working. She moaned again against his mouth as her eyes fluttered open. _

"_Don't stop…" _

_Sirius ran one hand through Ginevra's red curls as he kissed her, the other softly caressing her hip. She ran her hands up over his bare chest, but he gently stopped her._

"_Just lie still… for now." She obeyed and closed her eyes once more, a smile playing itself across her lips._

_Sirius moved his hand from her hip to her inner thigh, making small circles with his finger. "Oh please, Sirius…" his hand went further. Ginevra opened her eyes, assuring herself that it really was Sirius and not Draco, trying to keep her mind in control saying that she wanted this, that nothing bad was going to happen this time._

_It worked. Sirius could feel Ginevra tense up beneath him, was about to withdraw, but then her muscles relaxed and she leaned into his touch. When his tongue joined his fingers, she bucked into him and wound her fingers in his jet black hair._

I looked down at Sirius's shaggy, black head of hair and kept it in my mind- it was the polar opposite of Draco's slicked-back platinum. I took deep breaths, calmed myself down, and soon enough I was shivering in pleasure rather than revulsion.

"Please, Sirius, just do it…" I found myself begging. That appeared to be what he was looking for. I locked my lips with his as he thrust into me, and I wasn't bothered by the feeling at all. As with my aversion to everyday human contact, Sirius had managed to help me to divest myself of my aversion to sexual contact.

Afterwards, I curled my body in towards Sirius's and buried my head against his chest, completely at peace. He rested a hand on the naked skin at my hip.

"_I love you_"

_Knock _

"Sirius? Hey, Sirius, wake up!"

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Do you know where Ginny is?"

The sounds brought me to a half-waking state, but they didn't quite register.

"Aww, fuck it… Alohomora!"

The door burst open. Now _that_ woke me up- far too late. Ron stood in the doorway, staring into the middle of the room- where I was curled up with Sirius on his bed, both of us very much unclothed. Shutting my eyes tightly, I waited for the shock to subside and the explosion to commence.

"WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?!"

His face was turning purple. "Ron, I--" I began hopelessly.

"MUM!! COME HERE NOW!!"

**A/N: That actually took me a long time to write, it isn't as if I've had it saved for a while or anything. I've been busy, and smut takes me longest (-:**

**I have quarterly exams next week, so that's going to be tough. A little motivation is in order, I believe. That means REVIEW!!**


	12. Part 12

Try to Love Again: Part Twelve

**A/N: OK, most of you know that I was… erm… kidding when I said that last chapter would be the final one. I was also kidding when I posted the epilogue. Yep, all just a practical joke. Anyways, here's the real part twelve. After this there's going to be a more extensive version of the epilogue I posted before or possibly another chapter with a less extensive version tacked on. We'll see. For now, enjoy this bit.**

Try to Love Again: Part Twelve

_"MUM!! COME HERE NOW!!"_

Sirius was awake by now, and a look of sheer terror was in his eyes. I tried to get the door closed, but Ron was holding it open and I was struggling to hold my discarded nightgown to my chest. Finally, I grabbed Sirius's wand from the bedside table and pointed it at Ron's face.

"If you think you haven't done enough damage already… Just close the door and let us get dressed or I'll hex you. I'm serious." I hissed. Invoking Ron's fear of my bat-bogey hex evidently works, because he just glared at me and shut the door, which I immediately locked. When I turned around Sirius was already half-dressed. He glanced at the skimpy green satin nightgown in my hand and dashed to the dresser, throwing me a muggle t-shirt- _The Beatles_- and a pair of his pajama pants. By this time someone was pounding impatiently on the door. I looked at Sirius, and he squeezed my hand nervously as he turned the knob.

Ron was no longer outside the door. My parents were.

--

I sat in the kitchen with my mum, trying to work my way out of this mess.

"Ginny, how long has this been going on for? What is _this_, exactly?"

"Since a few weeks after I started staying at Grimmauld Place. We're dating, mum. I know he's older than me, I don't need to hear it from you. We love each other."

"_Love_? Ginny, you're fifteen! And older than you, yes, by twenty years! He's a grown man, old enough to be—"

"my father, I know, I know!" I lowered my voice, "mum, Sirius was there for me after the Draco Incident, and you weren't. You just kept me out of your life for as long as possible and tried to pretend nothing happened, but Sirius helped me through it."

"I didn't know you felt that way. We thought we were doing the best thing for you…"

"I know, mum! I forgive you, alright? But Sirius was the one doing the best thing for me. And if you ask me, you're being a bit hypocritical. With Draco it 'wasn't my fault', but now that I'm in a real, healthy relationship with someone who loves me it's wrong?" I didn't give her time to answer as I stormed out the door.

--

_Sirius hadn't been in this position for many, many years. He no longer felt like an adult who had been through more than his fair share of hardships as he followed Arthur Weasley, a man not too much older than himself, into the parlor- no, now he felt like a nervous teenager, facing a confrontation with his girlfriend's father. Which he was, of course- minus the teenager bit._

_He decided to start the inevitable discussion himself. "Arthur, I love your daughter very, very much. We were going to tell you, hopefully in a less shocking way… well, actually, we were going to wait until she had graduated…"_

_Arthur grimaced. "Sirius, I know that you're a…" he thought better of 'responsible' "… adult, but she's just a teenager. What makes you think that this… 'relationship' is going to last through those two years? This could only end with more pain for her. The age difference is a problem not just on principle- It's hard to keep up a relationship that spans two generations. What do you think you have in common with Ginny?"_

"_Arthur, we've found we have more in common than you could know. And I'm not going to hurt her. I'm in this to the end. She's The One for me, even though the rational part of me says that this never should have happened. But trust me, Arthur; two years from now we'll be in the same position and I'll be asking you for your daughter's hand in marriage."_

_Arthur was speechless. So was Ginny, ear pressed to the door between the hallway and the parlor, and so was Molly, in similar position at the door from the kitchen._

--

I took a deep breath, my eyes tearing slightly at Sirius's words. Then I was overcome with the urge to be somewhere else. I pushed the door open, grabbing Sirius's arm tightly and, to my father's shock, pointing my wand at him.

He understood a minute later, however. "Apparate to Grimmauld Place or I'll hex you." Sirius, wide-eyed, obeyed.

When we arrived in the library I missed so much, I released Sirius's arm and let my wand clatter to the ground before collapsing against his chest. He lowered our bodies onto the nearby couch while I held him as though letting go would be the last thing I ever did.

"Shh," he whispered, hand tangled in my hair, "everything's going to be okay."

_Sirius's eyes were searching the room, expecting Molly and Arthur to appear any second to take their daughter out of his evil clutches. They never did. He relaxed once more, holding the woman he loved in his arms and hoping that everything would be as 'okay' as he promised her it would be._

**A/N: The more you review, the more motivated I am to finally finish this once and for all. So tell me, is this better?**


	13. Part 13

**A/N: Okay, this is short- I probably could have just stuck it on the end of the last one and made that one long, but I didn't, so here you go. **

Try to Love Again: Part Thirteen

It was relatively late in the evening when we returned to the Burrow. We decided that it wouldn't be a good idea to spend the night at Grimmauld Place together, and that we'd get brownie points for returning on our own. Okay, okay- Sirius decided that and spent a half hour convincing me. And here I thought _I_ was the responsible one in this relationship.

Everyone was in the kitchen when we apparated in, talking and sitting with a cup of tea or helping my mum with the last of the dishes. Remus shot us an I-told-you-so look, although he couldn't say it out loud for fear of enlightening my mum to the fact that he had been previously aware of our relationship. Tonks and Harry had similar reserves, but gave us looks of sympathy instead. Ron gave Sirius a death glare, his eyes passing over me entirely. Percy gave me his best I'm-disappointed-in-you look. The rest of my brothers glanced up, saw us standing there hand in hand, and looked away, evidently hoping to stay out of the mess I had dug myself into.

Finally, my mum walked toward us and ushered us into the parlor, my dad not far behind. We sat, ironically, in the loveseat, and my parents settled themselves into the couch across from us.

"Gin, honey- We aren't going to freely give our approval of this," my father began.

My mother continued for him. "We wish you had chosen somebody closer to your age, and we honestly wish that you hadn't gotten into anything this serious so early in life- although you've seemed to be growing up far too fast ever since your first year and I'm afraid there's nothing we can do to stop it."

"As you've just shown us, there's also nothing we can do about your relationship. If we forbid it, you'll just run off to Grimmauld Place"

My mum interjected once again, "and although I make a point not to trust Sirius in general" (Sirius scowled, making him look rather childish) "I do trust him more than Draco Malfoy to not hurt you intentionally." She stared straight at Sirius while saying the last bit, making it clear that it was more of an order than a statement of fact.

"So you are giving us your okay?" I inquired, my spirits rising.

"I suppose so," my father said resignedly.

"But you will sleep in SEPARATE BEDS while you're under my roof, is that clear?" my mother added.

"Of course, Molly," Sirius answered from beside me before I could open my mouth. He nodded to my father. "Arthur. Thank you. If you'll excuse us…" He circled an arm around my waist, pulling me off the loveseat and leading me out of the room, as my parents watched us in silence from the couch.

"What's this about?" I asked when we had made it to the relative privacy of the front hallway.

"Ginevra, love, I don't think you realize just how easily we got off there. That running off to Grimmauld Place bit was bullshit, and they know it. You're underage. If Molly wanted to keep us apart she could so easily order me out of the house and keep you in it. And she could very well decide to do that at any moment. So you and I need to be careful not to mess this up. No sneaking into my room, no public displays of affection, and it would be best if we weren't found talking alone too often, understood?"

"Understood."

"Alright, Ginevra." Sirius folded me into his arms, holding me tightly against his chest and burying his head in my long hair. "That could have gone a hell of a lot worse" he whispered, chuckling slightly.

We heard footsteps in the hall, and sprang apart. It was my mum. She raised an eyebrow and said nothing, but I thought I saw a tiny smile as she exited through the door to the kitchen.

"See? That's exactly what I was talking about!" Sirius said. I just laughed.

**Let me know what you think! Is it better?**

**Slightly modified (that is to say, added-to) epilogue follows.**


	14. Epilogue

Try to Love Again: Epilogue

_The newly rechristened Ginevra Black rested her head on her new husband's shoulder as they shared their first dance as a married couple, letting her long crimson curls cascade down his dark blue velvet dress robes. He ran his hand down her back, over the satiny silk of her simple white sheath dress, and whispered in her ear, "finally."_

Sirius and I have been through quite a bit to get us here. Actually, that was the understatement of the century. We've been through multiple levels of _hell _to get here. Although I know that most of it really started with that day, years ago now, that Ron walked in on us in the same bed, I like to think that it began with the first kiss between me and Draco. If that hadn't happened… well, it would've saved a helluva lot of trouble, but then again, Sirius and I might never have really noticed each other. It wasn't love at first sight; I'm not going to be sappier than I need to be.

And it's pretty obvious that Sirius getting through to me and helping me with my problems wasn't the end of it. Hardly even the beginning. Which brings us back to that summer morning.

The first challenge, of course, was getting my family to really accept us, me and Sirius, _together_, a while before we had ever planned to break the news. You see, my parents were convinced for a long while that it was really a passing fancy, that I would get over it... God knows they _never_ expected their sweet, innocent (and slightly disturbed) Ginny to end up with Sirius Black, former convict and prankster extraordinaire, in the end. And they probably wouldn't have even if he wasn't twenty years older than me. Then again, they never expected their daughter to talk to the memory of teenage Voldemort in a cursed diary, open the Chamber of Secrets, or get herself into an abusive relationship with Draco Malfoy. As Sirius said, I have a dark side. I have issues. It takes some people a while to come to terms with that.

My brothers were even tougher. They saw it as their personal duty to rid me of the aforementioned "passing fancy" before it went too far.

The whole process of acceptance took a long, long time- more than a year, really, when I look back on it- and a lot of help from Harry, Tonks, and eventually even Remus. But I won't go any further into it. The point is, I didn't feel like people really understood or were okay with it until after the war.

The war- another level of hell we came out of together. Together, but not unscathed. At least one good thing came out of it. When my family saw me fight beside Sirius, saw him protect me (saw me protect him, too) from Deatheaters, and saw him help me through the misery that came after, the death (like he had helped my through Draco)… then they finally opened their eyes.

Ron was last to come round in the end. He was always stubborn, and love isn't something he understands very well all the time. He barely spoke to me for most of a year, and when he did it was always to point out Sirius's faults, or why we would never work together. But he did come round, eventually.

Look at me, and I said I wouldn't get into it.

Anyway, it's been years since the war, and we are all only just getting ready to move on with our lives. A wedding is a good way to start.

**A/N: Okay, is that better? Please let me know, I worked hard on it. Now, however, the first chapter of that Draco/Ginny fic I mentioned here is up and waiting for you all to read (-:**

**As always, I loved writing this. Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing!**

**Love, Azrulai.**


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